Ask Conlan: The Toughening

The nation of Japan writes:

When the going gets tough, do the tough really get going?

Well, Japan, this is an interesting question and there are two schools of thought on the subject.

The antediluvians contend that the going is only ever really tough when everyone drowns. And, because of magic rainbows or something, nobody drowns anymore, so there’s no reason for anyone to get going, tough or not. On the other hand, the protoreptilians argue that rocks are “tough” but they’re also warm sometimes (relatively speaking), so their answer is yes (assuming that “going” refers to “going to the bathroom”).

If you want my personal opinion, I prefer the long O pronunciation of “ough”. So you would say something like “I stubbed my tough,” and nobody would mind because they’ve got better things to do.

I hope that answers your question.

This is Twittering: Meta-Commentary Digest, Episode 76

Sometimes I tell jokes on Twitter, and This is Twittering: Meta-Commentary Digest.

WORDPLAY:

Silent G’s are funny. (I’m talking about taciturn gangsters.)

WISDOM:

This is true. We’re all stupider and smarter than we were or will be, so how about let’s cut each other some slack, OK?

WISDOM:

This is funny because it’s true.

WISDOM:

This is funny because it’s true.

STUPID:

This is funny because it’s not true. (I have no connection to the Spangler Candy Company.)

WORDPLAY:

In a way, that’s even more impressive.

That concludes this episode of This is Twittering: Meta-Commentary Digest.

This is Twittering: Meta-Commentary Digest, Episode 75

Sometimes I tell jokes on Twitter, and then other stuff, and This is Twittering: Meta-Commentary Digest. This one is mostly about Election 2012. So we’re about four months removed. I actually prefer commenting on current events long after they’ve happened. I think it allows for more objectivity, which I like. Unfortunately it also means no one cares about them anymore. It’s a pickle.

REACTION:

Must be election season. (It was.) This is true, by the way — just ask my shrink.

REACTION:

Fancy that.

WISDOM:

Almost never.

STUPID:

I was just kidding. It was the election results.

WISDOM:

I tweeted this on Election Day, so it was funny.

STUPID:

I haven’t checked… With 2012 out of the way, what’s the new odds-on favorite for when the world is going to end in the next few years?

WISDOM:

This is funny because it is ironic.

WORDPLAY:

This isn’t really wordplay, because each word here has just one meaning and is used correctly. But I like the elegance of the point. It’s funny because it’s true.

WORDPLAY:

This one is wordplay. I switched the letters, see, and then back-formed the premise to make a stupid pun. It’s funny because it’s stupid.

REACTION:

I do not like the United States Postal Service.

WISDOM:

My favorite part of this is the “and you’re also a jerk.”

STUPID:

I don’t think this makes sense.

REACTION:

Today’s TIT:MCD was brought to you by People Being Dumb for Thinking Other People Are Dumb.™

That concludes this episode of This is Twittering: Meta-Commentary Digest, dummy.

Mostly Lies, Completely Funded

Something cool happened a couple weeks ago. My Kickstarter project for Mostly Lies, a book, was successful. And that’s pretty cool. Thanks to everyone who helped make it happen. I am currently in the planning/rewarding phase of production. The new buttons are, as of this writing, lost somewhere in the postal system. (Remind me sometime to tell you about how I have grown to utterly despise the United States Postal Service.) I’m sure they will turn up soon and then I can get those sent out to all the backers (although it’ll be up to the USPS to deliver them, so I apologize in advance).

In the meantime, I thought I’d offer a brief reflection. Here I go reflecting:

Numbers

  • The total amount pledged was $6,197, which is 112% of the goal. (It is also a prime number.)
  • The total number of backers was 104.
  • The smallest pledge was $1. The largest was $1,000.
  • The average pledge amount was $59.59.

People

A total of 104 wonderful people, all of them extremely good-looking, backed Mostly Lies. I always had the secret goal of 100 backers. As much as I appreciate the big donors (which is a lot), one of my reasons for setting the $5,500 funding goal was because I wanted to see if my idea was appealing enough to attract a lot of people, and a lot of different people. And I guess it was.

Rightly or wrongly, I view each pledge as a compliment. It’s a, “Hey, you’re doing pretty cool stuff.” And the best way to get compliments — for me anyway — is from a healthy mix of strangers and friends.

When a stranger compliments you, it means a lot because they have no reason to blow smoke up your butt. You know they’re not just being nice because they’ll have to face you tomorrow. But at the same time, it’s easy to discount strangers’ compliments because, come on, they don’t really know you. Sure, you seem OK — superficially — but dig a little deeper and you probably suck. If those strangers only knew.

That’s how I think anyway.

So it’s nice to get the compliments from close friends too. Those are the folks who have been here all along and, crucially, they’re still here. Maybe you do suck, but you don’t suck enough for those people to completely lose all faith and abandon you.

It’s good to have both. And then, when you add everyone else in between — the person I occasionally run into at the pub, the person I banter with on Twitter, the person I went to high school with but haven’t spoken to since, my friend from first grade — that’s a really satisfying mix.

Serious Business

It’s a really satisfying opportunity to let people down by not writing something great. So now I’ll get on with the serious business of letting you all down.

I really appreciate the chance.