Viewer Mail #9: With Nuts…?

A reader:

Dear Conlan,

Where have you been? Do you smell something funny?

Sincerely,
Q&S (Questioning and Smelling) in Denton, Texas

Hi, Kwuzz. You raise some good points. Are you laughing? What is the most amusing odor? Is there really such a thing as a funny fragrance? Are the legends true?

There are funny sounds (e.g., flatulence), funny sights (e.g., someone miming flatulence), and funny tastes (e.g., I don’t want to get into it). But what about humorous smells?

Everyone knows the scent of cucumbers and Good & Plenty candy makes women horny. But countless surveys have shown that chicks consider a sense of humor to be the most desirable quality in a man. Could these same smells also be funny? I don’t know, because I am not a woman yet.

However, what I do know is, if a particular smell was funny, it would be topical humor (NOT situational).

That being said, my top candidates include:

  • dirty engine oil in the gutter
  • corndogs (hand-dipped)
  • watermelon-scented, overpriced, alcohol-based hand sanitizer
  • ozone
  • well-preserved paper – older that six years, but not exceeding seventeen
  • vaporized maple syrup (NOT viscous)
  • individually-wrapped moist towelettes

That being said, there is no such thing as a funny odor. Unless you believe there is. The future is what you make of it. Also: spoonfuls.

Keep those questions coming, in the comments or email conlan at the thisisconlan dot com.

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Comments (2)

  1. Nicole wrote::

    yeah! WHERE ARE YOU?!

    Tuesday, May 13, 2008 at 5:36 pm #
  2. Ryan wrote::

    Fantastic. You had me at flatulence.

    Tuesday, May 20, 2008 at 10:25 pm #

Trackback/Pingback (1)

  1. Halloween is Evil | This is Conlan on Friday, October 31, 2008 at 2:41 pm

    [...] you can see, my knowledge goes far beyond poop and odors (unrelated), and you will not find honest analysis anywhere else, especially in the liberal media. [...]