Hi, Internets. After a brief birthdiatus, I’m back, refreshed, and ready to type the ess out of this em-effin’ bee.
And to get back in the schwing of things, I’ve got something special: You asked for it. You begged for it. You scrawled it in blood on my bathroom mirror (nice touch, by the way). Well, here it is.
25 Random[1], Completely True, Wonderful, Facebookian Facts About Me (Conlan). Starting… now.
1. Someone (maybe Ryan or someone) once said of me, only half-jokingly, “Such a man surely can’t exist in reality, but only in works of fiction.” I don’t remember why exactly.
2. I’m pretty insecure, but I try to hide it because I know people don’t like or trust insecure people. Along with that,
3. I think way too much. About everything. This makes me too smart. As a result,
4. I’m overly critical. Not in the nit-picky sense, but in the critical thinking sense.
5. Also, the nit-picky sense.
6. I can make people feel stupid because, as Ryan put it, I “may not like something and know why, whereas they may love it and can’t explain it. You outsmart people.” So it’s ironic that
7. I’m overly sensitive to criticism, and feel like an idiot so much of the time.
8. Sometimes I have dandruff, but I try to hide it because I know people don’t like or trust people with dandruff.
9. I tend to use antiquated phrases like “Gee whiz” and “raspberries!”, partly to be ironic, but mostly because I like to.
10. I rarely floss.
11. I don’t have tattoos.
12. I feel as if my body gets in my way sometimes. This could be because
13. I never exercise, which is undoubtedly a factor in my
14. Lack of upper-body strength and
15. Poor posture.
16. I think I sweat more than average. I know
17. I have an oily forehead and
18. A hairy back.
19. I go days without shaving (my face).
20. I don’t cook, but I’m a picky eater.
21. I’ve got mounds of credit card debt.
22. I don’t like manly things like sports or cars, but
23. I do like beer.
24. I can’t play a musical instrument, because
25. I’m a quitter. I start things and don’t finish. I tried to learn to play the guitar, but quit because
BONUS BIRTHDAY OVERTIME SECTION!!!
26. I have flat, short fingers, which made it hard to play.
27. I tend to focus on the negative.
28. I take anti-depressant medication, but
29. I don’t have health insurance.
30. I’m pretty sure I’ve got you figured out. But the joke’s on me, because
31. I haven’t got you figured out.
- Facts may not be completely “original”, in that some of them may have previously appeared on now defunct blogs and/or Craigslist personal ads. [↩]
Comments (11)
this is a fine survey.
This is nakedly honest!
Kristie: Yeah, I’m a pretty naked guy. (I assume you’re talking about the dandruff and the hairy back parts.)
I wish there were 50 more!
i dont.
but great list.
I don’t care what you think, I like you.
I’ve read a few of these “25 _____” surveys now, and this one is by far the best! Poetic, clever, and edgy! You really are a good writer.
yup…pretty much…except you are wa-a-a-y too hard on yourself AND other people in your head…feel more, think less—inside your heart you really love and get a kick out of people…you’re not at all conceited about being smart, funny, handsome, “clean”: good if you should ever run for president according to our current vice-president ABOUT our current president when the latter started to run…not being conceited is good but poor self-image has too go. PS Don’t be too revealing about any little negatives…I’m starting too feel old enough to want grandbabies and you might scare off the girls.
Oh, and I forgot…the sweating and the hairiness comes from excess testosterone…also good for grandbabies…and by the way in case you’re wondering, son, that comes mostly from me and not your dad.
I’m pretty sure I allowed my mother one comment per week. But in the spirit of Washington’s Birthday (observed), I will chop down the cherry tree of comment limits for one day. Aloha.
it’s weird how much we are alike. Especially hairy backs. i think we share the same afflictions.