This is Conlan

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This is it. The moment you have been waiting for. Even if you didn’t know you were waiting for it.

That’s right: You now have the chance to own your very own (which is why it’s called “owning”) This is Conlan T-shirt!!

Available in 9 colorful colors, this 100% pre-shrunk cotton tee features the latest in garment innovation, including: Short sleeves! Standard fit! A neck hole! (For your head!)

Available in all sizes from small to huge, the This is Conlan T-shirt makes the perfect gift for Easter, Tax Day, and Earth Day! It’s so versatile! Get one in every color!

And it has my face on it for some reason.

How much would you pay for your chance to finally be someone with my face on your chest?^[1] $500? $1000?… $5000?? Really? Damn, I should have priced them higher. Oh, well. My loss is your gain. Every color, every size^[2] can be yours for the insanely stupid-low price of $25!!! At that price, in this economy, you can’t afford not to buy three or four!

Act NOW. This is a limited-time offer. For reals. This first run of Official This is Conlan Brand merchandise will not be available for long. This is a test run, and when the clock strikes midnight on some future day of my choosing, these shirts will be gone forever. Buy!

HONESTY ALERT! The truth is, these shirts are too expensive. CafePress isn’t that cheap to begin with, and they screw you a bit on shipping too. But this is the best method I’ve found that doesn’t require fronting a lot of capital (of which I have none). The quality of the printing is pretty good, and I think it should last, but the image isn’t as detailed as it appears online. But it still looks pretty damn cool.

So, don’t just think of this as buying a shirt. Your purchase supports me, and the maintenance of www.thisisconlan.com, which provides countless hours of entertainment to you and your loved ones. Also, if this works out, I’ll be better able to offer better products at better prices. For those that do buy a shirt, you have my sincere gratitude.^[3] END HONESTY!

This shirt will cure baldness and impetigo!!^[4] Makes a great conversation starter! Especially if you’re wearing one and then give another one to the person you want to talk to!

Seriously. Think about how cool you will be, sitting there (or standing!) with this ridiculous shirt. So awesome. Just buy one now.

Visit my CafePress Store and do the right thing.

That’s my pitch. The rest is up to you. But I should note—even though it goes without saying—I’m not just the president. I’m also a member:

All sales final.

1. No troublesome restraining orders! [↩]
2. not every size [↩]
3. No one ever believes me when I’m sincere because they assume I can’t not be sarcastic (even in the “honesty” section!), but believe me. Really. [↩]
4. This statement has not been evaluated by the FDA, but that doesn’t stop millions of people from buying homeopathic and other BS products—I’m looking at you, Airborne! [↩]