Sometimes I tell jokes on Twitter and then I freak out and wonder if anybody understood the joke I was trying to make because, OMG, what if I’m not as clever as I think I am!? So then I post them again here and explain them. And sometimes that makes the misunderstandings worse. This is Twittering: Meta-Commentary Digest.
WORDPLAY:
I’ve been studying the human form, and I think my favorite part is “emergency contact”.
— Conlan Spangler (@thisisconlan) June 20, 2012
See, like the forms you fill out when you go to the doctor’s office. (I’m talking about human doctors who treat humans.)
WISDOM:
Never attribute to stupidity that which can be adequately explained by “really super, seriously severe, mind-boggling stupidity”.
— Conlan Spangler (@thisisconlan) June 20, 2012
I call this Conlan’s razor.
REACTION (I don’t know how, but somehow this tweet got deleted from Twitter, but here it is):
A combination murder-suicide is a great way to let people know that you’re unhappy and a despicable person.
I can understand, intellectually, getting mad enough to kill someone. I can also understand getting sad enough to kill yourself. I can even understand why someone would decide to combine murder and suicide: if you’re going to kill someone, then killing yourself right afterwards makes sense—you can avoid the hassle of evading punishment or sitting through a long, boring trial. But what I’m specifically reacting to with this tweet is the people who kill their kids and then kill themselves. I don’t understand that at all. You know how selfish I think littering is, so you shouldn’t be surprised when I say that murder/suiciding your own children is infuriatingly, overwhelmingly, god-playingly, repulsively abhorrent. But I guess nobody’s perfect.
WISDOM:
Pobody’s nerfect, so I’m probably doing to gie alone.
— Conlan Spangler (@thisisconlan) June 20, 2012
I don’t really know what this means, but I’m sure it means something.
STUPID:
I always include “This email is confidential” in my email signature, just in case I ever accidentally email someone a murder confession.
— Conlan Spangler (@thisisconlan) June 18, 2012
Speaking of murder, that concludes this episode of This is Twittering: Meta-Commentary Digest.