Sometimes I tell jokes on Twitter, and then other stuff, and This is Twittering: Meta-Commentary Digest. This one is mostly about Election 2012. So we’re about four months removed. I actually prefer commenting on current events long after they’ve happened. I think it allows for more objectivity, which I like. Unfortunately it also means no one cares about them anymore. It’s a pickle.
I’m legitimately depressed by how much everyone seems to enjoy hating each other.— Conlan Spangler (@thisisconlan) November 8, 2012
Must be election season. (It was.) This is true, by the way — just ask my shrink.
Whoa, hold it, everybody. According to this TV commercial, that ballot measure you’re supporting is *not what it seems*.— Conlan Spangler (@thisisconlan) October 26, 2012
It’s pretty surprising how the world almost never ends when the guy you don’t like gets elected president.— Conlan Spangler (@thisisconlan) November 7, 2012
This is the most boring Dancing With the Stars elimination show I’ve ever seen.— Conlan Spangler (@thisisconlan) November 7, 2012
I was just kidding. It was the election results.
Happy “Day After Election Day” Eve!— Conlan Spangler (@thisisconlan) November 6, 2012
I tweeted this on Election Day, so it was funny.
“Four more years! Four more years!” – non-Mayans— Conlan Spangler (@thisisconlan) November 6, 2012
I haven’t checked… With 2012 out of the way, what’s the new odds-on favorite for when the world is going to end in the next few years?
As the Oracle told Socrates, the key to wisdom is humility. That’s something all those asshole idiots who disagree with me need to learn!— Conlan Spangler (@thisisconlan) November 7, 2012
This is funny because it is ironic.
It’s appropriate that people say “ironic” when they mean “appropriate” because that’s ironic.— Conlan Spangler (@thisisconlan) November 5, 2012
This isn’t really wordplay, because each word here has just one meaning and is used correctly. But I like the elegance of the point. It’s funny because it’s true.
If you visit a nursing home for paraplegic former NBA players, I think a funny thing to say would be, “If these talls could walk…”— Conlan Spangler (@thisisconlan) November 3, 2012
This one is wordplay. I switched the letters, see, and then back-formed the premise to make a stupid pun. It’s funny because it’s stupid.
The @usps: When it absolutely, positively has to possibly get there sometime, but maybe not.— Conlan Spangler (@thisisconlan) November 3, 2012
I do not like the United States Postal Service.
I’m not as cool as you think I am. Unless you don’t think I’m cool, in which case I’m cooler than you think I am and you’re also a jerk— Conlan Spangler (@thisisconlan) November 2, 2012
My favorite part of this is the “and you’re also a jerk.”
Some people just don’t like to hear the truth. Coincidentally, they’re all the same people who have restraining orders against me.— Conlan Spangler (@thisisconlan) November 1, 2012
I don’t think this makes sense.
People who don’t like the TV shows I like are idiots.— Conlan Spangler (@thisisconlan) October 31, 2012
Today’s TIT:MCD was brought to you by People Being Dumb for Thinking Other People Are Dumb.™
That concludes this episode of This is Twittering: Meta-Commentary Digest, dummy.