Hello there.
This is Conlan. I'm a freelance writer and blogger. I live in Fresno, CA. I write this blog, and other things sometimes. I encourage you to pay me to write things. Please see the "Freelance" page for more information on that. (Seriously.) If you'd just want to know who I am and what I'm all about (including mostly lies), check the "About" page.
-
If you like reading this blog, buy me a beer.
About
About Conlan
You are Conlan Spangler. You are a writer (some may say, “unemployed”, but those are the jealous ones) and live in Fresno, CA. You write a blog and other things sometimes. You suffer from social anxiety and advanced misanthropism. You enjoy referring to yourself in the second person (he didn’t see that one coming, did I?). You’re funnier than a turtle, but not as funny as a platypus. You’re an overpronator: you need arch support. You dislike euphemism. You enjoy onomatopoeia. You exaggerate to the point of absurdity (which you believe is the proper way to exaggerate). You are most cynical about the most significant things (which you believe is the proper way to be cynical). You do a little dance when you’re alone in elevators. You have poor posture; please don’t hold that against yourself. You don’t smile superfluously. You like music, philosophical consistency, and This American Life. You may or may not be a half-human/half-robot cyborg from the center of the Earth, sent to the surface on a secret mission of observation, but—rest assured—with only benevolent intentions. Again, that’s a maybe. Anyway, if I want to pay you to write or edit something, or I know a funny joke, email yourself: . Also, view your Freelance page for more information.
About This is Conlan
This is a blog about what Conlan wants to write about. Mostly it’s stupid, and you should be ashamed for reading it. And you are (I’m not talking about myself in the second person anymore). It’s your dirty little secret. But you can’t resist, it’s just so good. But it’s completely absurd except for the stuff that makes sense! How could anyone read this drooble? Plus, a lot of the words are completely made up! I don’t get it. Sometimes it’s ridiculous, sometimes it’s informational, sometimes it’s entertaining, sometimes it’s sincere. These things shouldn’t go together! They can’t! But that’s the thing about Conlan. This is Conlan.
Conlan, Elsewhere