Hello there.
This is Conlan. I'm a freelance writer and blogger. I live in Fresno, CA. I write this blog, and other things sometimes. I encourage you to pay me to write things. Please see the "Freelance" page for more information on that. (Seriously.) If you'd just want to know who I am and what I'm all about (including mostly lies), check the "About" page.
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Category Archives: Life
How I am being murdered
Whenever the conversation turns to murder (as it inevitably does), my pal RC is always eager to offer his preferred method:
Take one of those dual-tube epoxy mixes and jam it up somebody’s nose (one tube in each nostril). Then discharge the epoxy up said nose. Theoretically, the two gels will meet somewhere near [...]
Another letter home from my stay at the Institute for the Research and Treatment of Inappropriate Capitalization & Punctuation
Dear Sandy,
First of ALL «I want you to know I am alright.» I AM sure you have heard about the trouble that HAS OCCURRED, here, at the IFTRATOICAP: i have been told IT is on THE news. I have not BEEN able to confirm/this, because we HAVE BEEN (on lockdown) since the incident. i will [...]
Posted in Life Tagged action, capitalization, crime, doctors, Language, letter, punctuation, sandy, sanfrancisco 3 Comments
A letter home from my stay at the Institute for the Research and Treatment of Inappropriate Capitalization & Punctuation
Dear Sandy,
Tonight I arrived at the Institute for THE research and Treatment of Inappropriate Capitalization & Punctuation for my two-day, THREE-NIGHT TREATMENT program. I am GLAD TO REPORT that the, bus ride was smooth and UNEVENTFUL.
The staff was very helpful WHEN I arrived, directing Me to my—room and not MAKING fun of the way [...]
This is what I’ve been doing.