This is Conlan » Notecards

Mobile Popularity

Conlan — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 21:27:36 +0000

Hi there, good-lookin’. I have a few “notes” for you, which I will list in ascending order.

I have mobilized this blog. That is to say, if you view it on a “mobile device” you will see an optimized layout, enhanced navigation, and a picture of a unicorn. God speed, little doodle.
You may have noticed new little—howdoyousay?—”popularity percentages” at the ends of blog posts. Plus, a “Most Popular Posts” list in the sidebar. It is based on things like pageviews and comments, and is for the benefit of people who want to be popular (i.e., you, loser). Because it is new, the stats aren’t quite as accurate as they’ll become over time. If you want to help scam the system: search for, view, and comment (again) on your favorite posts from the past.

That is all. I will be updating again in the “near” future. I might even express my opinion on something(s). Who knows? It’s a wide, weird world out there (here), y’know? OK, bye[1].

OK, but not bye. I have one juicy tidbit especially and exclusively for you, my loyal blog readers: I will be giving up my editorship of The Other Blog (FMB) in the near future. Shh. Don’t tell anyone. OK, bye.

Ask You: WTF?

Conlan — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 22:09:18 +0000

Dear You,

I’ve got some questions for you/items that require your attention.

1. You may have noticed that, deep down on the lower right corner of the blog, in the least prominent place possible, I keep a list of links to blogs and things that I may or may not enjoy. Since my blog is one of “general interest” (i.e., not photos of my baby or cat—however much I do enjoy blogs about your babies and cats), I try to keep my blog list limited to such general interest websites and services. I just figure that you, with your baby cat blogs, may not want the seedy clientele of This is Conlan wandering over and ogling your babies and cats. So, I try to keep the list tidy. That being said, if you do want scuzzy dirtbags of general interest checking out your site, shoot me an email or comment and I’ll see what I can do. (And, as always, I appreciate your devoted linkage to This is Conlan, kitty blog or otherwise.)

2. Along the same lines, since I’m so beloved by you, I’ve been getting so many compliments lately—things like, “I think I love you” and “I love your mind” and “love, love, love, love, love” (I made up that last one)—that I’m considering adding a testimonials section to one of the pages around here. It would be kind of like LinkedIn recommendations, except, y’know, not a bunch of lies. So, if you want to help me regain some of my status in the international community, please send me some testimonials, leave them in a comment, or I’ll be forced to make them up.

3. Who is reading my blog in New York City? Seriously. Email me your name and social security number. You can remain completely anonymous. The curiosity is killing me, just like the cat that old lady put in the microwave to dry off. I’m talking, KER-SPLAT!, you know what I’m sayin’? I can’t think of anyone I’d know in New York, so if you don’t tell me I’ll assume it’s John Hodgman (new book in stores tomorrow!). And trust me, you wouldn’t want to see the size of my ego if I thought that (we’re talking grapefruit-sized, people!). So, you New Yorker, do us all a favor and own up (or die trying).

4. Please tell your friends about This is Conlan, if you think it’s worth reading. I’m working on setting up some kind of readership drive; I’ve just got a few kinks left to work out (for example, figuring out why that wouldn’t be the stupidest thing ever).

In conclusion, please pay me money to write or edit something. Please! I’m begging you (more details to follow…).

With much love, and loathing, but mostly love, but especially loathing,
Yours Forever,
Conlan

Dead Air

Conlan — Mon, 26 Nov 2007 04:22:18 +0000

I shouldn’t have posted that bit about the douche bag gas-station owner. I meant to maintain complete radio silence for the rest of the month. You know, to keep an air of mystery. It should come as little or no surprise that I can’t even shut my pie hole without screwing it up.

To catch you up: I’ve pretty much given up on NaNoWriMo. Last week, I copied and pasted my way to 19,000, but the magic was gone.

Oh, deer.

Conlan — Mon, 05 Nov 2007 21:07:37 +0000

Woman Shoots Albino Deer During Opener. This is sick: “Rakotz said she isn’t sure if she has room to mount the buck, so she’s contacted Cabella’s to see if they’re interested in buying it.” In other words, she didn’t have any reason, but she saw something of exquisite rare beauty and knew immediately: she must kill it. The rest could be sorted out later. This is why NRA Republicans are consistently portrayed as thoughtless, brutish rednecks, without regard for natural beauty or wonder. It seems the criticism is not entirely unfounded.

Hooray for the Red Sox

Conlan — Mon, 29 Oct 2007 05:06:08 +0000

Would you believe I had no idea the World Series was going on, and I only know now because of a technology blog? (Actually, based on my previous post, maybe you would believe it.)

You know the real, true sports fans who put their hearts and souls into loving their teams; their lives are consumed by statistics and commentary during the season, and speculation during the off-season; their various bodily excretions are all in the team colors; they are the definition of passion… Well, that’s how I am with not caring about sports.

Three days until lift off.

Nerds!

Conlan — Sun, 28 Oct 2007 07:12:29 +0000

Apple’s Leopard arrives in San Francisco | CNET News.com: “The free coffee went quickly, but the first 500 people in line were given T-shirts to mark the occasion.”

P.S. I’m pretty sure I’m the guy on the stairs in the picture halfway down the article.

WriMoFoSho

Conlan — Tue, 16 Oct 2007 06:30:52 +0000

Go to my author page (and if your participating, by all means add me as a writing buddy). This is where, starting next month, you can track my progress towards the 50,000-word goal.

Place your bets now on whether or not you think I’ll make it.

Midnight Links

Conlan — Tue, 09 Oct 2007 07:42:07 +0000

Some worthwhile sites.

Thank you, and good night.

Well, here we are.

Conlan — Mon, 10 Sep 2007 04:47:44 +0000

Seven days later, with only a couple mild hiccups (resulting from neither malice or neglect, but simple exhaustion), for which I hope I adequately atoned, and the experiment is complete.

Not too bad, if I say so myself (which I do). Let’s review:

the electoral college
filthy, damnable videos
Nigerians
lousy beer

All the hallmarks of a banner blogging week. And I have you, my loyal (and often imaginary) readers, to thank. Without you none of this would have been conceivable. Truly, you are the sperm fertilizing the egg of my sustained motivation. I can only hope that this week a splash of this creative amniotic fluid touched your hearts and minds. For it is in the profound miracle of birth, that things are ultimately born… of blogging.

And that makes three

Conlan — Sun, 09 Sep 2007 05:46:13 +0000

Blogs are supposed to have a theme, some underlying purpose, a reason for existence. At least the ones that anyone would read have this. (That’s not strictly true; one of my favorites, The Hot Librarian, doesn’t really have a cohesive theme… maybe that’s why she hasn’t posted since April.)

This was always a problem for me, as I don’t have any Areas of Expertise, and my interests are rather broad. I’m pretty much a Renaissance man, with genius comparable to Da Vinci. So I finally decided I’d flout the conventions. That’s one of the reasons I chose this title.

This blog is intended to be a mashup of different tones, emotions, ideas, and interests—much like your typical human being. This blog isn’t about computers, or television writing/what I had for lunch, or politics (no link; I don’t read political blogs), or even the misuse of language—although this is about all of these things.

But what is this, then? How do I summarize all I hope to illustrate here? The best explanation I have, is that This is—as best I can approximate—Conlan.