It’s not very often I, being Conlan, have a chance to see what life is like on “the other side”, by which I mean the desert. I don’t even really like dessert. Just desserts is a thing, but it’s actually “just deserts”. Not many people understand this.

There’s not much understanding in the world today. We, as people, tend to overlook the why?s and the whatnot?s in favor of the wow!s and whereboob?s. This has led to what I like to call “The Great Treacle Debacle”. Ironically, this is confusing (in a sense) because treacle and debacle do not sound alike. They are, in grammarian terms, sousaphones. That means they’re words that produce a high, brassy peal whenever you blow them.

Speaking of which, I attended a recent burlesque show during which a fire eater made a number of double entendre-esque comments that I found offensive. I don’t like sports, but I watch the Superbowl sometimes and I know what that sort of thing looks like. Very few people do, you know.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, smart is smart. The next time you see your Uniter States Postal worker, say hi. You might be surprised.

In the meantime, you can catch up:

• Part One
• Part Two
• Part Three

Also, nothing.