Category Archives: People

Christmas Blend, with two pumps of peppermint syrup

By Conlan | Published: November 20, 2009
Customer at Starbucks, sitting at a table with her friend, after noticing how crowded the store is at 10am: Wow, this is kind of scary. I’m glad I have a job. I’m assuming she assumes that anyone sitting at Starbucks at 10am on a Friday is out of work. Despite the “Whuh?” factor of this, I [...]
Posted in People | Tagged , | 4 Comments

Cool Burps

By Conlan | Published: March 20, 2009
Last night I went to see The Hot Toddies from Oakland at Audie’s Olympic1 They’re a four-piece, all-girl2 band that plays 60s girl-group-inspired tunes heavy on irony and tongue-in-cheekiness (“W W W dot whoa-oh-oh-oh dot com”). They were really good and fun and cetera. Great harmonies, too. But that’s not my point. My companion for [...]
Posted in People | Tagged , , , , | 7 Comments

This is “Conlan Sucks”

By Conlan | Published: March 2, 2009
I have to say, I’m disappointed in you twelve. I thought at least a couple would take part in the “Conlan’s Great” Challenge. But it looks like you’re all “Conlan’s Great” challenged! Haha… ha… sob… heh… ahem. Well, by their silence, my readers have spoken! You’re not interested in self-congratulatory, metaphorically-masterbatory, audience-participatory schlock. No, you want [...]
Posted in People | Tagged , , | 3 Comments

The “Conlan’s Great” Challenge!

By Conlan | Published: February 26, 2009
Recently someone told me this: I think you’re a young Steven Wright crossed with a baby Hodgman, mixed with the casual coolness of Ben Folds, all mixed up in your body. It’s probably fun to be you, or at least to have your brain. It is not fun to have my brain. But neurological anomalies aside, that’s [...]
Posted in People | Tagged , , , , , | 6 Comments

  • Hello there.

    This is Conlan. I'm a freelance writer and blogger. I live in Fresno, CA. I write this blog, and other things sometimes. I encourage you to pay me to write things. Please see the "Freelance" page for more information on that. (Seriously.) If you'd just want to know who I am and what I'm all about (including mostly lies), check the "About" page.

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