Hello there.
This is Conlan. I'm a freelance writer and blogger. I live in Fresno, CA. I write this blog, and other things sometimes. I encourage you to pay me to write things. Please see the "Freelance" page for more information on that. (Seriously.) If you'd just want to know who I am and what I'm all about (including mostly lies), check the "About" page.
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Tag Archives: viewer mail
Ask Conlan: Sweet
Chelsea from the comments writes:
Hi Conlan. I have a question for your next “ask conlan” segment. Okay, here it is: What is going to happen to me if I live the rest of my life eating only candy? (I am on day three of a strictly candy diet, and I’m feeling a little off. I [...]
Ask Conlan: Full Disclosure
It’s time again for Ask Conlan, the segment in which I take questions from readers. You can ask me literally anything, no topic off-limits, even questions that don’t make sense. I am here for you. This week1 our first question comes from one C.B. McDougal.
Mr/s. McDonald writes:
Dear Conlan,
How are you?
Sincerely,
C.B. McDonnely
Wow. Just… wow. Who do [...]
Ask Conlan: WTF is the deal with BYOM?
You might remember me. I’m Conlan. People ask me things.1 For example:2
Dear Conlan,
First of all, thank you for the ointment.
Second, I have a thing. It’s a problem. I hope you will help me more so. It looks like this. The last week, when I was spontaneously looking for something (a shoe?), I accidentally was [...]
Posted in Ask Conlan Also tagged astronauts, cannibalism, crime, ointment, Sherlock Holmes 1 Comment

Ask Conlan: Kitty Meow Town